The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
