You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
