hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
