My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
