the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
