I cockslap morals
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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