where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
