omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
