My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
