My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
