to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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