she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
