his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
