Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
