i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize