3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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