HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
