Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
