Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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