Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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