Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
