your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
