So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
