piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this boner is exhausting
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
