let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
