I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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