are you still at the devil's house?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
