i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
