So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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