I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
