Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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