This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
