$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
