please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
