i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
