got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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