I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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