I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I smell stomach acid.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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