3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
