last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
