I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
