I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
