apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
