So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
