Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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