So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
