I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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