don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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