Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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