You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize