U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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