Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize