I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
