bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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