where am i from again
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
