Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
