Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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