The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
