I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
40s are totally the cure
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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