i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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