How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
