the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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