I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
