Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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