When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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