this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
