I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
