I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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