the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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