She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
