my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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