I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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