Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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