it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
