my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
