I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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