I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
