Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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