Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
